Yellow Paint

The lack of money causes depression

Though I'll mask it with suppression

I'll try to say this with discretion

But I'm not one for first impressions

I'll Van Gogh till I'm Van Gone

Make it seem like nothing's wrong

Painting sunflowers on and on

So many pictures I haven't drawn

The yellow paint cascades down

On past my lips' eternal frown

My body should be on the ground

A depressed painter lying around

It colors my blood a "happy" color

Though it feels like something other

Happiness will never smother

My lungs and stomach will be covered

Drink yellow paint and then you'll see

The colors spinning in front of me

Sunflowers spill internally

The painting inside will never cease

A depressed painter takes his life

Using his art to end his strife

It's like a yellow colored knife

The happy color isn't right

Happy yellow mixed with red

From the blood now mixed with lead

I think I'm starting to lose my head

My art will be worth more when I'm dead

I Don't Belong Here

I’m too fem

Or I’m too masculine

Never really fitting in here

In this cage of flesh and hope

Filled with dread and despair

I can’t stand having long hair

I don’t belong here

I don’t know what my body should be

This body is not property or my humble abode

This body is a prison I am forced to reside inside

It doesn’t matter how much or how tightly I bind

Every part of my being other than my chest

Is weighed down by my dysphoria

I am slowly suffocating in skin

Behind the bars of my ribcage

The key to euphoria out of my reach

Stretching out trying to achieve my escape

Fingers grasping for air while being deprived of breath

Every attempt at escape seems futile and unsuccessful

No withdrawal from the confines of my skeletal mould

Held down by the weight of my chest and my figure

The knowledge that I can’t be a girl is hidden away

It seems to be evident       on my facial features

I am not who you had        initially believed I was

You’ve never known            who I actually am

But neither have                 I until recently

I do not know                    what I am now

I’m just a person                 like you all are

Trying to find my               way in this world

Would you try                   to forgive me

I am just as                     curious as you

Just use my                    new pronouns

And the name                   I had picked

I’ll try my best                  to find a place

Where I                           truly fit

Love Cushions Abuse

The words on your lips

Your fist in my ribs

Nails dig in my hips

Bruises splatter my limbs

But I still loved you

Your abusive words

Every thought I had heard

Back in I was lured

After being deterred

I still loved you

Your hand in my hair

But it wasn't safe there

Because you didn't care

If you were being unfair

I still loved you

After every fight

While crying at night

It took all my might

To think I'd be alright

I still loved you

Even once you had gone

The fear had lived on

I can't hear our song

Everything felt wrong

I should never have loved you

My Love

We have my favorite conversations

Late at night under constellations

Her face filled with concentration

Her mind set on compensation

Make up for the lack of affection

The nights she only showed rejection

The times she filled me with dejection

But the warmth of her is an infection

But I must be filled with caution

I know I am easily forgotten

My presence fills her with exhaustion

Now she thinks of me every so often

For now I'll lay with optimism

I'm surely trapped by her hypnotism

Not in fear of her criticism

Forgetting my defense mechanism

Under the stars with my love and the universe

She holds me while we peacefully converse

Saying all the things I mentally rehearse

Inside her embrace all my worries disperse

Our consciousness teleported to our own place

Somewhere I can reach out, caress her face

The rest of the world is completely erased

In her arms and heart I'm entirely encased

We talk religion under an open sky

Asking questions, wondering why

So happy here I feel I could fly
In this special moment with you and I

Hot Pink

When life goes in the direction

Of showing one affection

It's based on natural selection

Your body and mind's detection

Deciding who is fit

Though love is part of it

You must finally admit

Love can quit

The body and mind's attraction

When others become a distraction

Causes your brain to have a reaction

Love can be part of this interaction

The most primal of instincts

Encouraged by physical persistence

Pursued by what your body and heart "thinks"

Though you can show resistance

Things must be done consensually

Performed usually with privacy

Acted out respectfully

A performance filled with intimacy

A dance of people in love

It is an act like no other

A performance high above

A role to be discovered

It is to be appreciated and embraced

Instead of being a cause of shame

A decision that many have faced

Something we should all reclaim

Remove negative connotations

Remove the threat of condemnation

Make it an open invitation

RSVP for consent and arrive for liberation

Red

You are brought into this world by force

You never chose to have this blood course

Have it flow through your veins from the source

Of your heart, your engine, your vital resource

The intake of breath is fundamental

Lack of breath will be detrimental

The flow in and out is quite essential

Perfected like a smooth instrumental

The music of the airflow through your lungs

Your chest expanding as oxygen comes

Filling your system since the time you were young

Your heart pounding like the beat of a drum

It comes in experiences neither black nor white

It is evident in laughter from the thrill of the night

Life comes like the rise of morning light

Slowly at first, then suddenly bright

It is the never ending cycle of creation

Having to withstand its entire duration

Though it can fill you with frustration

Soon enough will come its cancellation

It is to be appreciated and cherished

Take it in before you inevitably perish

Though at times it can seem nightmarish

You shouldn't act careless

It is a beautiful thing to breathe

To feel the cool kiss of the breeze

To lay in the sun, just you and me

To be alive is to be free

Orange

When given a cut or laceration

Blood spills on our community or our nation

The final step is coagulation

Let's start by process of elimination

The first step is vasoconstriction

The reduction of blood flow caused by restriction

Platelets arrive to provide adhesion

The main goal of the cells is really cohesion

Fibroblasts begin granulation

They create the scar of condemnation

When our community is filled with frustration

Our community ignored because of your negation

When we are under attack and things aren't swell

Do not be surprised by backlash from white blood cells

After all, you are the reason that we fell

And know that we will give you hell

Light torches and pitchforks for minorities

To fight off infection caused by the majority

We don't need attacks to remember how to heal

Through generations we have learned how it feels

When you invade our safe space like a bad germ

Trying your best to make us wiggle and squirm

Stabbing through us like a hook through a worm

Take our ability to heal by ending us long term

But after you scrape your knee it begins to get better

After an attack, our community stands the weather

Your attack snaps us back into reality like a pull on a tether

We tread carefully around you, light as a feather

The passing of time is what helps the most

Soon enough you'll have no reason to boast

We can finally raise our glasses and toast

To equality and happiness, at least that is our hope